Twelve things I learned on a jury

1. $80 a day buys a hell of a lot of lunch.
2. Lawyers charge an awful lot of money to sit there and say "no questions, sir".
3. The unusual tag on the back of lawyers' gowns is an atrophied remnant of a pouch for food - a sort of legal culinary appendix.
4. The secret motto of the High Court is "hurry up and wait".
5. Jurors with nicotine addictions are let out during deliberations to smoke. Jurors with caffeine addictions must resort to snorting instant.
6. You can dial out for methamphetamine and have it delivered as if it were pizza, even in a dump like Levin or Foxton.
7. P dealers don't know the first thing about digital scales.
8. The secrecy of jury deliberations would not prevent jurors from serving as witnesses in court if one of their number decided to resolve a deadlock by murder.
9. Her Majesty has poor taste in restaurants.
10. You can find absinthe in unexpected places.
11. "Twelve good men and true" may not be quick, and it may not be pretty, but it works well enough, even for something as complex as conspiracy.
12. Finding someone guilty has a moral cost, no matter how clear the facts are.