If I could...

I've been tagged by Span to participate in the latest meme spreading across the blogosphere. I don't normally do these things, but in this case I'll make an exception:

If I could be a lawyer, I'd emulate Tony Ellis and Deborah Manning and specialise in human rights cases. The point about human rights is that they are universal, and if I want to enjoy them, I have to defend them for everybody else - even for scumbags who I detest.

If I could be a chef, I'd end up hating food because it was work. This would probably make me thinner, but not happier.

If I could be a scientist, I'd map the chimpanzee genome, and use the knowledge to work out how to uplift them (or at least allow them to talk). Chimps are already pretty smart - they demonstrate sophisticated tool use and hunting strategies, as well as social manipulation and an understanding of small-group politics - and some can learn sign language and communicate directly with humans (some even teach it to their children). Making them smarter would give us someone else to talk to, as well as establish their moral status beyond any shadow of a doubt.

If I could be a judge I'd work for the International Criminal Court, ensuring that justice is global and that those who commit crimes against humanity cannot hide from it.

If I could be a writer, I'd get paid for venting my spleen about the state of the world, rather than simply doing it for free.

I tag Jordan (because he has so much time for this), Holden Republic (because I really don't know how he'll answer), and Iona (who may say something interesting). Instructions are here.