Friday, May 27, 2005



Twelve things I learned on a jury

  1. $80 a day buys a hell of a lot of lunch.
  2. Lawyers charge an awful lot of money to sit there and say "no questions, sir".
  3. The unusual tag on the back of lawyers' gowns is an atrophied remnant of a pouch for food - a sort of legal culinary appendix.
  4. The secret motto of the High Court is "hurry up and wait".
  5. Jurors with nicotine addictions are let out during deliberations to smoke. Jurors with caffeine addictions must resort to snorting instant.
  6. You can dial out for methamphetamine and have it delivered as if it were pizza, even in a dump like Levin or Foxton.
  7. P dealers don't know the first thing about digital scales.
  8. The secrecy of jury deliberations would not prevent jurors from serving as witnesses in court if one of their number decided to resolve a deadlock by murder.
  9. Her Majesty has poor taste in restaurants.
  10. You can find absinthe in unexpected places.
  11. "Twelve good men and true" may not be quick, and it may not be pretty, but it works well enough, even for something as complex as conspiracy.
  12. Finding someone guilty has a moral cost, no matter how clear the facts are.

4 comments:

>Jurors with nicotine addictions are let out during deliberations to smoke. Jurors with caffeine addictions must resort to snorting instant.

Oh no! Surely a case of discrimination, or cruel and unusual punishment, or something...

Posted by Make Tea Not War : 5/27/2005 09:31:00 AM

I think the lack of proper coffee ("I do not drink... robusta") is a cruel and unusual punishment in itself.

Posted by Idiot/Savant : 5/27/2005 09:47:00 AM

Well if you're demanding decent coffee, maybe I should have tried my luck. The tea provided at the High Court in Auckland was servicable, but perhaps I should have held out for a decent darjeeling, red bush or jasmine.

Jury service itself was a constructive and morally trying process. The slow, olde world charm of proceedings was quite effective for me; but then I also enjoy test cricket. I rather envied the defedant's lawyer his ability to maneuver suggestions - he could have insinuated for New Zealand.

Posted by James : 5/27/2005 12:03:00 PM

The jury is the last refuge of the common persons exercising the common sense of a citizen left; And I agree, its a bastion of our freedom! Yet the number of technocrat lawyers i know who argue it should be abolished is truely scary...

Posted by Anonymous : 5/27/2005 12:43:00 PM