Found while reading Harper's magazine this afternoon: the Women's Petition against Coffee, Representing to Publick Consideration the Grand INCONVENIENCIES Accruing to Their SEX from The Excessive Use of that Drying, Enfeebling LIQUOR (London, 1674) - in which we learn that coffee's
Riffling Nature of her Choicest Treasures, and Drying up the Radical Moisture, has so Eunucht our Husbands, and Crippled our more kind Gallants, that they are become as Impotent, as Age, and as unfruitful as those Desarts whence that unhappy Berry is said to be brought.
(Original emphasis. Oh, how I love the seventeenth century...)
There is also a Men's Answer, "VINDICATING Their own Performances, and the Vertues of that Liquor, from the Undeserved Aspersions lately cast upon them by their SCANDALOUS PAMPHLET", in which we learn that coffee
Collects and settles the Spirits, makes the erection more Vigorous, the Ejaculation more full, adds a spiritualescency to the Sperme, and renders it more firm and suitable to the Gusto of the womb, and proportionate to the ardours and expectation too, of the female Paramour.
I don't recall either of these being mentioned in The Devil's Cup (a history of coffee drinking, from Ethiopia to the Starbucks, which pays particular attention to the scandalous and humourous bits like this) - but maybe I've just forgotten.
Have you read Moll Flanders? Excellent novel.
ReplyDeleteI've read Moll Flanders. Adjectives like earthy and rollicking spring to mind. I also own a copy of the Devil's Cup. It's better than the sequel In the Devil's Garden which is not as well written and has a couple of errors. The books are shelved next to the Devils Dictionary- together comprising the devil related section of our library and I'm really just free associating now so should probably stop...
ReplyDeleteIndeed, do Starbucks beverages dry up men's radical moisture or make their ejaculation more full and their erection more vigerous.
ReplyDeleteWe need to know!
Given that Starbucks is barely coffee to begin with, I'm not sure we can draw any general conclusions based on their product.
ReplyDeletefinally, someone (i'm desperate, i'll accept dead people) agrees with my theory that coffee is going to be the new alcohol when alcohol is the new tobacco.
ReplyDeleteAnd do we really want it added to our sperm? Women generally frown at the concept of additional organisms getting transferred to them along with sperm (actually in my experience they generally frown on the sperm getting transferred too, but that's probably more than enough from me)
ReplyDelete